There are many single moms and there are many situations where the father is not very respectful to the mother. Here are some things a single mother might face from the father:
- Him talking down to you.
- Putting other women over their child.
- Taking girlfriends out on his weekend.
- Trying to fix the relationship while dating other women.
- Not answering texts or phone calls.
- Not being intentional with the child.
- Being rude and disrespectful.
- Having his family being rude and disrespectful.
- Moving and not telling where he went.
- Saying he didn’t love the children.
- Allowing his friends to call you names.
It is hard for women to go through certain situations with an ex-boyfriend or husband that share children. It is not easy to be in situations where you have to always make decisions for your child and especially when you are being disrespected.
Your child’s father might be the worse person than you know, and you want him to apologize for how he talked to you and what he has done. Maybe you have begged him to come and see your child and now it is time that you let the situation go.
There is a point that you have to realize that you cannot control your ex or how he lives. You cannot make him decide to be part of your child’s life or to even be nice to you. The more you try to control the situation, the more he will treat you badly and will do what he wants, regardless of how you feel.
You have to stop trying to control him and trying to make him do what you want. If he wants to do the right thing, he will and if not, he won’t.
If your child’s father wants to see your child then let him, but if he chooses not to, you have to stop being upset with him. If he doesn’t want to see your child and he calls you to be disrespectful, remove him out of your life. Block his number and stop talking to him. If he wants to interact with you, he needs to be kind.
You do not have to allow your child’s father to be rude to you or to disrespect you. Do not let the situation get out of hand and take him out of your life if you have to.
Keep Your Spirit
When someone is rude to you, you need to not be rude back. Keep your kind spirit and treat him the way that you want to be treated. Nothing gets someone more upset than being treated kindly when they are being rude. If he is being rude to you, chances are he wants to upset you. Be classy and respond in a kind and loving way.
Don’t let your child’s father get you upset and make you act a way that you wouldn’t normally act towards someone.
Even if your ex is rude to you, don’t be rude to them. Don’t go and sleep with them or do things to them to try to make them be part of your child’s life.
In a situation where your child’s father is being disrespectful to you, don’t follow in suit. Don’t allow him to cause you to be disrespectful back.
When you need someone to step in for the benefit of you and your child, such as for child support, let the courts handle it. Don’t get revenge or be angry, just allow the courts to handle it. If this is part of the visitation, once again, let the courts handle it. They will take care of things.
Going back and forth with your child’s father is unhealthy for you and for your child. Trying to chase him down to be who you want him to be is only going to cause you more pain and agony.
Be the Better Person
It can be hard to be the bigger person and to be strong when you are dealing with a rude person in your life. You have to learn to be involved in your child’s life and to not worry about other people that are not. If your ex makes excuses for what he is doing and why he isn’t there, just let it roll off your back. Don’t worry about what is going on and if he comes, he does and if he doesn’t, he doesn’t.
It is your responsibility to keep your child safe and to make sure that your children are taken care of. Don’t worry about his opinion and the opinion of others, do what you have to do in order to make your life and the life of your child safe and happy.
Be the Best
Do whatever is best for your child. If your child’s father keeps disrespecting you, don’t listen to it. Get a better job and do whatever you can to keep you and your family happy. He will have to show you respect in front of your child and if you feel that he isn’t, don’t disrespect him back.
You don’t have to tolerate someone being rude to you. Let people know that you are strong and that you are able to take care of your child. Let being in his or her life be a good thing. Offer your child’s father to see your son or daughter but never push it or allow them to be rude to your child or to you about the situation.
Too often we stay in relationships we should not for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, we are afraid to be alone or feel like we have invested too much to leaves, but most of the time we are simply ignoring the signs that point to a relationship needing to come to an end.
Knowing exactly when a relationship should end can be difficult at best. It depends on the partners and the living situation, but there is evidence that points to a break down in the relationship overall. These are known as the four horsemen of the marriage apocalypse. Though named after marriage, these can arise in any type of relationship.
Criticism is a big re flag. This is different from complaints or critiques because it is about the person, not their behaviors. When criticism is part of a relationship it is not automatically doomed, because we all resort to it at some point when angry, but when it becomes the only way a person communicates, then a huge problem exists. If you or your partner are currently, continually criticized or being critical, it will eventually turn into something worse. While it can be salvaged with lots of work, leaving may be a better option.
Contempt is most often shown with disrespect of another person. When we insult, use sarcasm, scoff, or even roll our eyes, as a way to diminish someone else, this is contempt. This is another red flag in a relationship. This is a sign that the partners are no longer respectful of one another and are using contempt to show dominance. Animosity and resentment will continue to grow as love and respect for one another disappears. If you are being treated with contempt, then it is time to get out because your partner no longer respects you. If you are using contempt, why have you stayed?
When someone is defensive, they are trying to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Being defensive can mean shifting blame to something outside oneself or onto a partner. This often comes with contempt or the second partner is not listening to the person’s concern and is putting blame back on them. In general, no one likes to be told they are doing something wrong or causing pain. We want to think the best of ourselves and defensive conversations ten to threaten fragile self-esteem.
Someone who is continually defensive in a relationship is usually a bad sign. They are unwilling to look at their behavior and adjust to stop being the problem. The defensive person is often using the partner to fill some unmet need and for little else. If either partner is regularly defensive without cause, it may be time to end things.
Stonewalling comes in several forms and indicates that communication has broken own. Shutting down, withdrawal, the silent treatment, and being unresponsive are all ways to stonewall. It is the feeling of rather doing anything else than having a specific discussion. You may only speak when necessary and retreat to silence when a sensitive topic is brought up.
You will always be the best judge of your relationship and specific situation. However, when one or more of the behaviors are in a relationship, things could and often do get worse. Good therapy and a willingness to actually work on the relationship can lead to repair, but sometimes breaking up is the way to go. You have to be the judge.
Everyone has dated that one guy that was a complete and total jerk. Your friends tell you that he is no good but you choose not to listen to them. They don’t control you and you can do what you want. You never believe that they know what they are talking about anyways.
We both know, they were right and that he was a complete jerk. After the relationship only lasted a couple of months, you realized that he was pretty rude and nasty. Even though he was a complete and total loser, you have a hard time getting over him.
You know that the way that he acted was just a front that he used to make himself seem stronger than he was. You know that he was afraid of being vulnerable and that you know there was good in him. There were even times that you seen him help people that were needy or give an extra hand to a friend. You know that he would do it when no one was looking because he was afraid of not having the tough guy reputation.
When he was honest, it might hurt you and those around him. He would show his honesty as a complete and total jerk and would offend everyone in the room with what he said. Even though he acted like this, you knew that he wasn’t going to lie to you or say things to you to make you feel better. You could always guess that he would tell you what he was thinking. If he told you that you were beautiful, he meant it. You know that you would miss being around someone that is always giving you the truth.
He might be a pain and a jerk, but you felt like you could always count on him when you asked him to do thing. He would tell you what he wanted and if he committed to something, you knew he would do it.
You always knew what to expect from him and even if you knew he was out doing something that you didn’t really want him to do, chances are that he already told you he was doing it.
You will admit that he was smooth and charming and that he was like a prince, well at least at first. He knew that he was doing things to get you aggravated and he would drink and then know the perfect words to say to you so that you wouldn’t be mad.
He always knew how to play the game and would get just what he wanted.
No matter what you did, he knows that he is a jerk and so he would always take the blame when something bad happened. If you didn’t want to go somewhere, he would cancel it because he knew that people didn’t like him much and he didn’t want you to get blamed. He would always do things to get your friends to side with you and when you fought, he would always take the blame.
The world is full of people that are complete jerks and ones that will enter your life from time to time. You will probably date a few of these and so it is important that you know who they really are.
When you think about him, you think he is just another guy and that you can move on any time you want to. Even if you guys have problems, you know if you move on, you will never be his girl again and he won’t be yours. You have to accept that its time to move on and you can let him go, as the problem that he was, to another girls life. This way you can move on without the hurt and heartache, just knowing he will be another girls jerk.
Breaking up is tough, but it will get easier. As you begin the process of healing after a breakup, make sure to avoid these common pitfalls that tend to trip up the newly single.
Social Media Stalking
Moving on in the digital age requires some concerted effort. When you break up with someone it can be tough not to become a stalker for your ex, focused on how or with who they are moving on. This is not good for you or your mental health. Following the breakup, stay off their social media completely. Take time to untag them in pictures of you two together, block their Facebook profile, and unfollow on Instagram or any other social media connections you may have. It will be hard, but it can also help you heal faster. If you do end up back together, you can unblock them, but there is no need to torture yourself now.
No Asking About Them
Though it can be easy to continually think about an ex, this is self-torture. Put an end to obsessive thoughts by staying busy. Do not even ask about an ex in a casual manner if it can be avoided. You have no control over what he or she is doing, so why waste the time and energy concerning yourself with it. Instead, find something that makes you happy and enjoy a bit of you-time.
If you do find out your ex is with someone new, do not make the mistake of playing the comparison game. You two did not work out for some reason, do not look further into it by checking out the new person. Their happiness is not tied to your worthiness, find someone new that is capable fo making you happy as well.
Breakups are hard and emotional. The best thing to do is let those feelings out right away. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you do, cry, scream, pout, get angry, and then get up and get back to life. Take a couple day, four at the most, and then get up and do something. Moving around is a great way to help your body reset. Go for a walk in a beautiful park and enjoy nature. While it is okay to appreciate the good times, take note of what you did not like and add it to your never again list for dating.
When you are depressed over a breakup, the little thing seem insurmountable. Self-care during this time will keep you healthy and move the feelings along at a better pace. Cook a healthy meal, attend an exercise class, and get a healthy amount of sleep. This will go a long way to healing and boosting confidence.
While wallowing is not healthy, neither is minimizing or totally ignoring the way you feel. Take care of yourself, but allow for time to grieve. While these emotions do not necessarily have to be shared with the world, do take to a close friend or two. They can help you get through the process and move forward.
Don’t Push a Friendship
Being friends with your ex is possible, eventually. In the beginning, right after the breakup, you both need space and time to heal. This allows you to move beyond the pain. When you are both healthier, if you still wish to reconnect, consider how it will be to be platonic friends. This is a big change and only works for some who were kind to one another during the actual relationship. If the relationship was horrible, do not waste time trying to be friends. Learn and move on.
Don’t Let It Affect You Professionally
If you find your work suffering because of a breakup, being distracted and upset, losing focus, take some action. If you are comfortable, open up to a colleague or supervisor you trust so they can help. If this is not an option, seek professional help so you can hash out the issues in a safe space every week. This can make it easier to focus on the necessary things at work.
Don’t Let It End Your Social Life
While you need to show yourself some love and friends will not expect you to be an instant social butterfly, do take time to be around friends. They will want to know how you are doing and can offer support. If you had mutual friends with an ex, feel free to spend time with them if you can do so without seeking info about your ex.
Make a clean break instead of trying to find closure completely. You may not ever get it so there is no need to rehash everything again and again.
Avoid Immediately Dating Again
Following a breakup, the focus should be on you and your self-care. Spend time focusing on your priorities, goals, and happiness. While dating again will come in time, don’t use it as an immediate distraction. Allow yourself time to heal and reconnect with your inner self. Definitely avoid dating to make an ex jealous because this is just an odd way of letting them dictate your life from afar. Live life on your terms.
Don’t Shut Down
While in the short-term it is about self-care and self-preservation, do not shut yourself off for too long. The happiness you want will seem more unattainable if you wait too long.
No Drunk Dialing
Whatever it takes to avoid this one must be done. Give your phone to a friend, download an app that forces you to solve a problem before accessing certain contacts, or simply delete the number to avoid this costly mistake.
No Hook-Ups With the Ex
While the drama and taboo may seem sexy, do not sabotage your recovery by hooking up with an ex.
Clear Out Their Stuff
Even if your favorite sweatshirt was once theirs, the memories can be painful. Toss out the things that remind you of the pain they caused and start fresh. Along the same lines, avoid going to a spot you shared as something special just to dwell. Also avoid playing a favorite or special song on repeat as a reminder. Create new memories in new ways for yourself, apart from them.
Let Go of Anger
Balance must be found in a breakup. While wallowing is not good, neither is holding onto anger, guilt, or pain long term. While it can be tempting to plan revenge or create a great deal of new anger over an ex, do not waste your time. Feel your feelings and move on. If you stay angry at them, they still have control.
Don’t Worry Over Them
There is no point in wondering about what their life is like in this moment. The focus should be on you and your healing instead of torturing yourself wondering or worrying about how they are doing. Spend time with people who will lift you up or a professional that can help you heal in objective ways. This can help you keep from making the same mistakes in the future.
When things fall apart, it hurts. You are in love, but the relationship has become toxic for you. You get no rest and you can’t understand why he or she won’t change to make things better. You wonder if they ever loved you and you have tried all you can think of to save the relationship. The pain comes and seems unbearable. You feel like you will surely lose yourself.
Letting go of someone is hard and you have to force yourself to accept that things aren’t going to work out. There are too many lies, and cheating is too much to handle. He can also be abusive to you. You need change and you need to not let him hurt you.
You have to get to the point where you realize you aren’t getting enough and that you have put in too much sweat and tears to make the relationship work and it just isn’t going to. The time that you wasted on the wrong person does not mean that you cannot find someone new to replace this.
Let things go and get out of abusive relationships.
One of the worse things you can do is wait for someone to change while you are being mistreated. You have to accept that they are who they are, and they aren’t going to change. If they won’t even admit their mistakes, then they are not going to change.
They might promise change, but this is not genuine because it just happens when you threaten to leave. They will most likely never change and you will be in a relationship that has so many downs that the ups are not even seen. This can cloud your judgment and make you make bad decisions.
Leaving a relationship is painful and will hurt. You will get over being alone and being sad. These are times that you will need to cry and scream and be angry, but you will eventually get over it.
When you end the relationship, you will see you are alone initially, but you will realize that it is better than being verbally or physically abused. You will work through the pain.
Allow yourself to cry and let go of the pain. Don’t hold in your emotions. Trying to do this only will hurt you. Expect to have tough times.
Cry and cry again. Let it out until the tightness in your chest goes away. Eventually the hurt will lessen, and you will see that you are going to be okay.
Take time for yourself and let your heart and mind rest. Go out and have time with your friends and family. Spend time focusing on yourself and making sure that you are happy. Allow time to heal you. Find new hobbies that are fun and that you enjoy doing. The healing won’t happen right away, but it will come.
Your life is just beginning, and it isn’t over. Take control of yourself and realize that you don’t have to be alone. Find friends and family to vent to and to talk to. You can get through this. This is hard but you will make it. You deserve better and this is the beginning.
Believe in yourself and declare that you are healing and that you are moving forward with a great life.
There are times in life when you find what seems like the perfect person. They could be kind, not needy, smart, friendly, and even loved by your friends and family, but there is just no “it” factor. Your friends and family may push for you to stay with this person, but you just are not feeling it. If you are having these feeling, then here is how to approach the situation.
Don’t Be Hard On Yourself
If the feeling you want or think you should feel are not present, do not be hard on yourself. We cannot change the way we feel about someone. No one in your life should be allowed to criticize you for something that you cannot control. Take a break for yourself and accept your feelings. After you have walked away from the situation for a while, look at the situation again with a fresh perspective.
Take time for some soul searching and be honest about why you are not having strong emotions in the relationship. If your past has left you hurt and you are not able to move on or there is simply no chemistry, then it will be clear you need to move on or get help to move forward. The goal is to be honest with yourself so you can respond appropriately.
This is also an area in which you have to be honest with yourself. If you feel like you really need to force feelings in this relationship, ask yourself why. Once you discover the answers to this, you can respond appropriately and in a way that will not leave you feeling worse.
Use Open Communication
Never be afraid to be open and honest about how you are feeling. In fact, this is crucial to show respect and care for the other person. Tell them the truth about how you feel or don’t feel in a kind and delicate manner. If you are certain that a relationship is never going to develop, then tell them. This may be painful for your both, but you can both leave respectfully. This also prevents future hurt.
There may come a point when a relationship is possible, but you are not ready to move as quickly as the other person. If there is hope, then speak up and explain that you are not ready to move as quickly, but you would like to keep trying, slowly. You have the responsibility and right to figure things out without outside pressure. The goal is a healthy decision.
Open to Possibilities
Never completely shut the door unless you are sure. While you should not push a relationship, as you spend time with someone you may start having feelings. Never be afraid to give yourself some time to see if something develops if you are uncertain.
If you are compatible with the other person and it has not yet gone too far, then open yourselves to simply being good friends for the time being. This is not always possible, but when it is a strong friendship can develop. This may ultimately turn into something more, but if not then you have gained a great friend.
When you look at your past relationships, you will see that you always are attracted to men that cannot emotionally commit to you. Even when you try, you end up hurt and upset that you love them, and they do not love you back.
What can you do to end this track? You should know that many women do this, and many become very vulnerable to the love.
Why do you think men that cannot be emotionally vested exist? We live in a place where men should want to share their feelings and it is acceptable for them to do that.
But men have not always been raised that way. Sometimes they are raised to be tough and to not cry. They might experience this later in life and it can make them feel vulnerable for showing feelings.
You never know why men do not want to get emotional in a relationship. The best way you can handle this is to see if you are the one that they love and see if they want to be with you.
Men that are not able to show emotions sometimes seem like robots. They might not want to open up about their feelings unless its about a football game.
You can address them by trying to get them to talk about what is inside their heart. If you feel something has happened that they should talk about, try to talk to them without getting in a fight. Be gentle with them.
Sometimes we think that men that have no emotions are self-centered. They come across as knowing everything and they seem like they always have to be in control of everything.
This can be a mechanism to hide his emotions. If he loses control of the relationship and is forced to open up when he doesn’t want to, this can be hard for him.
Ask him how day is is and ask him how things are going in his life. If he doesn’t take time to open up to you, you might want to move on.
Sometimes when someone is emotionally unavailable, they come across as not very kind. How a guy treats other people is a good idea of what you need to know about him, even if he doesn’t open up.
If he sees someone in need, and is rude, chances are he isn’t a very nice person
Find out how he acts and if he is compassionate. See if he always thinks he is better than others.
You want someone that can talk to you and feel needs with you. You need to be with someone that allows people to make mistakes without overreacting.
When you first start dating, see how he treats others and if he is nice. If he is rude, move on.
Taking the Blame
Some men will never take the blame and will put it off on other people. Look and see if the relationship that you are in is that way. Ask him about his past relationships and if he won’t talk about it or if he blames her for all of the problems, see this as a sign.
When a man is insecure, he will not be able to talk about the relationships in his past without blaming the other person or getting mad. There is no way to change them, but you will eventually tire of this.
A guy that cannot open up might want to make you end relationships with other people. They might pull away from you or do things that cause you to be angry such as avoid you or drink late. They might even keep secrets.
The more he pulls away from you the more you will try to get him to open up and be closer to you. He will probably want to have space and you will feel rejected because of this.
It is healthy to give a guy space but if he seems to move away from you completely, know this is not a good thing and let him go so you can avoid conflicts
Sometimes you might feel that your relationship is good and that you get to spend a lot of time with your partner. Sometimes you talk about things but most of the time things end up in the bedroom.
Men and women are different when it comes to sex. Women become attached after sex and men can just have sex and not be attached.
Men might want to have sex and not talk about what he is feeling. He might want to have sex so that you don’t ask him questions or so he can please himself.
Even though sex is important, you have to make sure that there are other parts of the relationship that is working out too. Do not always have sex and suggest other things to do instead.
Sometimes if you ask a guy about what he is feeling then he will say that he is fine. Sometimes he will want to be macho and not talk about his feelings but sometimes he won’t talk about them because it makes him feel like he isn’t strong. Sometimes he is not comfortable talking about his feelings.
He might deny that he hates talking about his feelings or get mad when you bring it up.
Men that are like this want to be left alone and they don’t want to talk about their feelings. If you keep trying to change him, you will not succeed, and you will end up hurt in the end.
Some men that are not able to share their emotions have never had a long-term relationship before. There is no rule on this, and it doesn’t matter if it has been a long time, but he needs to understand what a relationship is and what it looks like.
Talk about his past and see about his history in his relationship. Find out how long his longest relationship was and how old he was. Ask what went wrong and try to talk without making him feel attacked.
Some men that cannot share their feelings faced something in their past that was traumatic. They might have had bad things with their parents or with their friends. Sometimes they have been abused or neglected.
If an issue has been buried for a long time, it can be hard for guys to be able to work it out.
If you want to see the relationship work out, then he needs to get therapy. He has to choose to get better because nothing you say or do can fix him or take away his feelings of his past. You want to fix him but you need to help him get fixed and sometimes even move on.
It is hard to be with men that won’t share their emotions because it is hard to open up to a man that is like this. Be ready to be in a relationship that makes you happy and if you are in one that is not working out and the man is finding you to be too demanding, consider moving on,
This isn’t about you and it is about his issues that he doesn’t even understand. You have to have compassion and be there for him if he needs you.
There is nothing wrong with loving him and trusting him, but you have to watch out for him in the early days of your dating or you might end up getting hurt. You need to make sure that you are ready to give them time or to avoid men that are like that right from the start.
You need to steer clear of people that you cannot get along with and those that will not open up to you or you might end up hurt.
Getting ghosted means that you are in a relationship and the other person ends it without saying anything. It can leave you wondering what went wrong.
Sometimes guys will ghost you because they are immature, and they do not know how to say that they want out of the relationship.
Some guys will say that they ghosted someone because they wanted to end the relationship but might want to get in a relationship with that person down the road.
Some guys don’t want to have confrontation so they will just stop the relationship without talking about it. This avoids confrontation but is a weak way out.
Some guys feel that they don’t have to do the breakup thing because they didn’t consider the relationship to be official. They feel that since it isn’t, they don’t have to do a real breakup.
Some guys feel that if they just end the relationship without talking about it then they will save feelings. Instead of ghosting her, talk it out. Ghosting someone will leave them feeling terrible about themselves.
Most guys will be nervous and will not have the confidence to do a breakup. Instead of talking about it, they will ghost the woman so that they do not have to have the conversation.
One of the worse reasons for ghosting someone is not having respect for them. If a guy has no respect, they will ghost you. A woman should never have to be ghosted and she would do nothing to earn this kind of treatment.
Some guys feel that if they do a real breakup that it is more painful. This is a reason why they will not talk about it and will just disappear.
No matter what reason you want to break up with someone, ghosting is never a good excuse or way. This can really hurt someone and can cause them to be heartbroken and to feel bad about themselves. Always be upfront about the relationship and even if you want to breakup, do it honestly and kindly.
A friend with benefits scenario can definitely take care of your needs sexually. This is true of someone you hang out with all the time or someone you only hang out with for sex without commitment. Friends with benefits fall between a one-night stand and a boyfriend/girlfriend status. They serve a purpose, fill a need, and do not require anything overly meaningful.
Lines can get blurry in these situations because sex and love complicate everything, but if clear boundaries are drawn then the sex can be fun and enjoyable. If you do enter this type of arrangement, keep these things in mind.
Keep Realistic Expectations
Do not head into a friend with benefits situation expecting it to turn into more. This will leave you disappointed. If you are not into casual sex only relationships, then avoid an FWB type situation. This will lead to disappointment.
Since both parties are open to the idea, capitalize on the benefits. Use the time to explore anything you want to find out what you really want and need. This is commitment free and a time to have fun.
Never assume anything about the situation. Make sure you communicate openly so that misunderstandings are avoided. If clear boundaries are not set, then an entire friendship could hang in the balance. Have a grown-up discussion about what is and is not happening.
Make sure you are self-aware so that communication remains open. Be honest with yourself about what you want, not simply what you hope for from the FWB scenario.
If things change and feelings start to develop, be honest with the other person. While it may mean an end to the sexual relationship, it will be less painful further down the line if the person does not share your feelings. You never know how they are feeling unless you talk about it.
The good thing about a FWB scenario is that when you tire of one another or someone starts dating, then the sex ends, but the friendship continues. Throughout the sexual aspect, keep friendship first so the eventual transition back is seamless.
Don’t Hold on Too Long
FWB should be fun. So, if you and the other person are having fun, keep going. If the fun ends, the sex should end as well so you can go back to a traditional friendship.
Before hooking up the first time, even though it can be awkward, have a talk about the expectations and roles. If you hooked up first, then still have a check-in to make sure everyone is still on the same page. If this is skipped, the friendship could be damaged.
An FWB scenario means an open relationship, but this should be defined ahead of time. Since you are free to sleep with other people, be clear about if you want to know who these people are and when or how often. You may not owe an explanation, but this should be defined up front.
Be clear about your wants and desires up front, even if you want to try things out and see if a relationship is developed. If the other person is not up for this, then find another outlet. Better to be direct than be hurt later on.
No matter how you discover infidelity in a relationship is discovered, it is an emotionally traumatic event. Perhaps you ran across incriminating texts to or from another girl or a recent business trip was confessed to be a cover for an affair. No matter how the cheating was discovered, it is never easy and always painful. Once you know, you then have to decide whether to stay or leave. Some people work hard, heal the relationship and stay together, but others choose to move on.
Fictional characters often forgive their partners of affairs when they realize that their whole relationship would be a waste if they leave. They would rather hold on to what is left, then sacrifice everything. In real life, it is not always that easy. There are always other factors to consider and either way it can be messy. Those in long term relationships may feel that everyone makes an occasional mistake and it could be forgiven, but others cannot handle the emotions that come knowing their partner has been unfaithful.
If you find yourself in this situation and cannot decide what to do, then here are some reasons to serious consider leaving an unfaithful partner and the reasoning behind each area.
They Denied It
Many times, cheating is discovered when one partner has a gut feeling the other is being unfaithful and then discovers evidence. If you shared your concerns and then had to corner your partner before they came clean and admitted the affair, it is going to be a long road if you stay together.
Cheating is hurtful no matter what, but when being confronted, if the lies continue then another layer has been added on. If your partner cannot admit to the cheating and show some remorse, this may be a sign to move on.
While the old saying of “once a cheater, always a cheater” may be an exaggeration in many ways, there is a bit of truth. Those who cheated in a previous relationship are three times as likely to cheat in another relationship. Cheating can become a habit, but only you can decide if your partner’s infidelity is habitual. Knowing that your partner has cheated before, on you or someone else, is a red flag that you must consider. Ultimately, the choice is yours alone to make.
Most times, you can trust your gut. Even if you are not aware of others episodes of cheating, if it feels like this may not have been their first time, then it probably wasn’t and will not be. This steals the security that is supposed to be in a loving relationship. That being said, if you aren’t sure, try asking your partner if this is a first offense and try to figure out what made them cheat. Though it will be hard, remain calm and get as much information as you can to decide whether your trust can ever be regained.
While you can leave, if you choose to stay, trust can be rebuilt, but it takes time and work. If your partner is unwilling to work on rebuilding trust then there is little point in staying.
People feel more betrayed at times when they are blindsided by an affair because there is such a difference in a cheater admitting an affair and being caught. The lying makes it worse in many ways. If you stumbled upon the evidence that your partner is cheating, then trust will likely be shattered beyond repair. You may always wonder what else has or will be hidden. This can be fatal to a relationship.
When cheating is discovered in this manner, the one cheated on may become obsessed with hunting down the truth. This may be focused on the partner or the one they were having an affair with, but it can be all consuming. Instead of barreling down this path without thought, take time for some self-reflection. If the relationship was struggling before the affair because communication had broken down or you were neglecting one another, then that could have been a trigger. This is just one explanation and it is not an excuse, but it can offer some closure for the matter. This also helps if you choose to leave the relationship so you do not carry the baggage into a new relationship.
Affects Your Self-Esteem
Few cheaters realize their choices affect others. If your partner’s cheating starts making you question your own attractiveness or abilities in a relationship, then it may be time to cut your losses and move on. It can be tough, but you must remember that your partner’s cheating could have had many reasons and justification, but they are not your fault. The blame is not yours to bear for their poor decisions.
If you feel like the current relationship has taken away your best self, then talk to your partner and explain how you feel. This is important if you plan on leaving, especially if they think you are going to stay. This gives them a chance to lessen the insecurities you may have, but do not assume this is what will happen. Be willing to listen, but do not take on the blame if the cheater begins putting you down.
Not all relationships will end when infidelity enters the mix. Many times cheating is a sign that something is wrong with your relationship and you must decide if you are willing to look for that issue and work toward a resolution. But, if you find yourself hurt beyond any repair or unwilling to even try, then move on. Even though mistakes are common, you deserve a significant other who makes you feel good about yourself, the relationship, and someone you can trust.
While it is important to try to seek help through a couple’s counselor or retreat at first, if it is not helping or your partner is not willing, then do what is best for yourself. Ultimately, you will be stronger from the experience and better prepared for whatever comes next.