Have you ever been in a situation where you have been through an emotional batter because you are with someone that is emotionally unavailable to you? Maybe you have someone that you are dating that you have been dating a while and you text them all the time and barely get a response.

They refuse to label your relationship, and this can be because they don’t want to commit to you. They don’t tell you this, but you have feelings that things are not good. Dating today is hard and when you have to deal with someone that is emotionally unavailable to you, it is just one more had thing to deal with.

What Does it Mean to Be Emotionally Unavailable?

Having strong feelings for someone can be hard but when you are dealing with someone that is emotionally unavailable, you might not even realize how vulnerable you are or what is going on in your life.

When someone is emotionally unavailable to you, they have a hard time loving you and opening up their feelings to you. It makes them hard to understand. They don’t even know how they are affecting you and sometimes even though they seem sociable, they often lack the feelings that bring you close. This can be someone that has extreme boundaries in their social and emotional lives, and it can cause the relationship to feel off.

Does This Mean Someone is Timid?

There is a difference between someone being emotionally unavailable and someone that has a hard time opening up. If they want to slow down in the relationship, this doesn’t mean that the relationship will not grow.

When you try to communicate with this person, they will be guarded, and they will be anxious. They will not want to talk about personal things with you.

Sharing Feelings

There are different reasons that someone might be emotionally unavailable, and this can cause red flags in your relationship. They might not really love you or they might have had major things happen in their life.

This is a big deal and if you are willing to be with someone that is always putting up barriers, then this is fine, but if you are with someone that is emotionally unavailable to you because of trauma from their childhood, you might be dealing with someone that has an avoidant attachment. This can mean that your relationship will always be on the rocks.

For someone that is not available to you, they will block out their feelings and their emotions and they will not be able to feel your pain.

Signs Someone is Emotionally Unavailable to You

If you wonder if there are signs that you are with someone that is emotionally unavailable, here are some signs for you:

Past Relationships

Relationship history doesn’t mean anything. Just because you are with someone that was in past relationships, it doesn’t mean that they are available to you. These people often leave their relationships before they get serious.

Talking Personally

This kind of person will not want to talk about personal things or about the future. They have a barrier, and this is even in communication.


A person that is emotionally unavailable will have a hard time being intimate. They have an easy time having sex, but they have a hard time bonding.

Not Available to You

Look at the text messages that you sent your partner. Have they shown you that they can talk to you and be personal to you? Chances are that they are distant to you.

Respecting Your time

This person might set up a date with you but then they might cancel when you are on your way there. They will not worry about the time spent with you.

Emotional Weakness

People that are emotionally unavailable are people that criticize others that have emotions. They think that emotions are negative, and they don’t want to be vulnerable.

They Don’t Understand You

These people have a hard time being intimate and they feel that they cannot be close to others. They are often misunderstood, and they are prone to rejection. They frustrate those that they are with and they often reject them.


If you have strong feelings and you are with someone that is closed off, they might think you are overly dramatic. They will have a hard time understanding you and being able to deal with your emotions.


These people are very defensive when you call them out on their emotions. When you tell them the truth, it pushes them away. They will have a hard time getting close to you and they will not have a comment when you want to talk about future plans.


You will never have an equal partner if you have one that is emotionally unavailable to you. They will not make an effort to be closer to you and they will not put the energy needed.

What if You Love Them?

If you decide that you love this person and you feel that they are worth putting in the effort, you need to be cautious.

Figure out what you want and what you expect and let your mental health beware that they might make you unhappy or upset you. It will take them a long time to get close to you, if they ever do and you will most likely feel like you have a one-sided relationship.

This person will not love you the way that you love them, and it can wear you out. They are also some of the same people that gaslight others and that do not see that their habits hurt other people.

Now that you know what an emotionally unavailable person is, you have to find out what they want and what you really want. Be patient with them when you ask them about their future and when you talk to them, make sure that you are kind and loving. You may get lucky and break down their barriers.

This is up to you to decide if you want to stay in the relationship or move forward with someone that is more available to you.