If you suffered a break up and are still listening to your favorite break-up sign on repeat while crying into a bowl of ice cream, you are probably still in love with your ex. While we can all sympathize and you are not alone, this is not healthy. It is heartbreaking to care about someone so much that you feel connected, but others are encouraging you to move forward. You may not know what to do.
It is time for you to realize that your ex is gone and you need to do what is necessary to move on. Some women will need to confront their ex in a bold way, while others need time to process a love lost, but it can be done. We are here to help with some suggestions to let the healing begin.
Find Your Community
Surrounding yourself with friends and family members can help your wounds to heal. While they will not replace the love you had for your ex, they can show affection that will wean you off of what you lost in a safe manner. While it is okay to feel a bit lost after losing a relationship, it is also an opportunity to rediscover yourself or create a whole new you. This time of personal growth and change can be hindered if you are holding on to leftover feelings about your ex.
It is possible for friends to fulfill you in ways your ex could not. This includes being relaxed and silly watching movies, volunteering for events, or anything else that allows you to be yourself. Take time to move forward with the loving community you have created.
As a general statement, it will take half the length of a relationship to heal when it falls apart. This is however, just a statement and is far from true for everyone. If you are still in love with your ex, your healing will take longer.
Healing and moving on takes patience, something that is not common among humans. This process can be painful and often irritating because it takes so long. However, time is necessary because the heart need it. The longer amounts of time you stay away from your ex and the more time spent actively trying to move on, without contacting them, the more the painful feelings will fade.
Make a Choice
You have two choices when you are still in love with your ex. You can either move on completely or confront them so you two can work it out. Moving on completely means no contact in any form because an on again off again relationship will just make things harder. If you wish to repair the relationship, confront him and try, but if it does not work than cut ties and move on. It is emotionally exhausting to go back and forth with someone, you are better off just moving forward. Every situation is unique and perhaps it can be worked out, but you will only know if you make a decision to confront and then move on if it doesn’t. You had a life prior to meeting your ex and you can have a good life afterwards.
Think It Through
Love is complex as an emotion. Before making up your mind you are definitely still in love with your ex, really examine your feelings. It may be that you are no longer in love, but want to be or that leftover emotions are hiding the actual truth. Take the needed time to sort out your feelings before making a rash decision. Make sure you are not confusing love with jealousy over a relationship your ex now has or your need for affirmation. No matter what you ultimately decide, work on loving yourself so when you do end up in a relationship again, it is emotional baggage free.
Exes tend to be exes for a reason, but if a time of separation has allowed you to realize you love your ex then that is okay as well. Maybe this person is your true love and you cannot move on. When you have spent a great deal of your time and life with someone, the love never fully goes away. Consider your feelings closely, make a list of all the things that used to annoy or bother you. Now review the list. If you can live with all those things, then go back, if not, go forward.
Navigating the waters of a breakup are difficult, messy and often hard, but if you are following your true feelings and heart then the choice is yours to make. Focus on surrounding yourself with people that love you and treat you the way you deserve. Heal and move on when you are ready or work things out and enjoy your life together, it is up to you.