Breaking up is tough, but it will get easier. As you begin the process of healing after a breakup, make sure to avoid these common pitfalls that tend to trip up the newly single.
Social Media Stalking
Moving on in the digital age requires some concerted effort. When you break up with someone it can be tough not to become a stalker for your ex, focused on how or with who they are moving on. This is not good for you or your mental health. Following the breakup, stay off their social media completely. Take time to untag them in pictures of you two together, block their Facebook profile, and unfollow on Instagram or any other social media connections you may have. It will be hard, but it can also help you heal faster. If you do end up back together, you can unblock them, but there is no need to torture yourself now.
No Asking About Them
Though it can be easy to continually think about an ex, this is self-torture. Put an end to obsessive thoughts by staying busy. Do not even ask about an ex in a casual manner if it can be avoided. You have no control over what he or she is doing, so why waste the time and energy concerning yourself with it. Instead, find something that makes you happy and enjoy a bit of you-time.
Don’t Compare
If you do find out your ex is with someone new, do not make the mistake of playing the comparison game. You two did not work out for some reason, do not look further into it by checking out the new person. Their happiness is not tied to your worthiness, find someone new that is capable fo making you happy as well.
Avoid Wallowing
Breakups are hard and emotional. The best thing to do is let those feelings out right away. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you do, cry, scream, pout, get angry, and then get up and get back to life. Take a couple day, four at the most, and then get up and do something. Moving around is a great way to help your body reset. Go for a walk in a beautiful park and enjoy nature. While it is okay to appreciate the good times, take note of what you did not like and add it to your never again list for dating.
Self-Care
When you are depressed over a breakup, the little thing seem insurmountable. Self-care during this time will keep you healthy and move the feelings along at a better pace. Cook a healthy meal, attend an exercise class, and get a healthy amount of sleep. This will go a long way to healing and boosting confidence.
No Pretending
While wallowing is not healthy, neither is minimizing or totally ignoring the way you feel. Take care of yourself, but allow for time to grieve. While these emotions do not necessarily have to be shared with the world, do take to a close friend or two. They can help you get through the process and move forward.
Don’t Push a Friendship
Being friends with your ex is possible, eventually. In the beginning, right after the breakup, you both need space and time to heal. This allows you to move beyond the pain. When you are both healthier, if you still wish to reconnect, consider how it will be to be platonic friends. This is a big change and only works for some who were kind to one another during the actual relationship. If the relationship was horrible, do not waste time trying to be friends. Learn and move on.
Don’t Let It Affect You Professionally
If you find your work suffering because of a breakup, being distracted and upset, losing focus, take some action. If you are comfortable, open up to a colleague or supervisor you trust so they can help. If this is not an option, seek professional help so you can hash out the issues in a safe space every week. This can make it easier to focus on the necessary things at work.
Don’t Let It End Your Social Life
While you need to show yourself some love and friends will not expect you to be an instant social butterfly, do take time to be around friends. They will want to know how you are doing and can offer support. If you had mutual friends with an ex, feel free to spend time with them if you can do so without seeking info about your ex.
No Rehashing
Make a clean break instead of trying to find closure completely. You may not ever get it so there is no need to rehash everything again and again.
Avoid Immediately Dating Again
Following a breakup, the focus should be on you and your self-care. Spend time focusing on your priorities, goals, and happiness. While dating again will come in time, don’t use it as an immediate distraction. Allow yourself time to heal and reconnect with your inner self. Definitely avoid dating to make an ex jealous because this is just an odd way of letting them dictate your life from afar. Live life on your terms.
Don’t Shut Down
While in the short-term it is about self-care and self-preservation, do not shut yourself off for too long. The happiness you want will seem more unattainable if you wait too long.
No Drunk Dialing
Whatever it takes to avoid this one must be done. Give your phone to a friend, download an app that forces you to solve a problem before accessing certain contacts, or simply delete the number to avoid this costly mistake.
No Hook-Ups With the Ex
While the drama and taboo may seem sexy, do not sabotage your recovery by hooking up with an ex.
Clear Out Their Stuff
Even if your favorite sweatshirt was once theirs, the memories can be painful. Toss out the things that remind you of the pain they caused and start fresh. Along the same lines, avoid going to a spot you shared as something special just to dwell. Also avoid playing a favorite or special song on repeat as a reminder. Create new memories in new ways for yourself, apart from them.
Let Go of Anger
Balance must be found in a breakup. While wallowing is not good, neither is holding onto anger, guilt, or pain long term. While it can be tempting to plan revenge or create a great deal of new anger over an ex, do not waste your time. Feel your feelings and move on. If you stay angry at them, they still have control.
Don’t Worry Over Them
There is no point in wondering about what their life is like in this moment. The focus should be on you and your healing instead of torturing yourself wondering or worrying about how they are doing. Spend time with people who will lift you up or a professional that can help you heal in objective ways. This can help you keep from making the same mistakes in the future.